I have spent a lot of time on this blog writing about who I am, who I am trying to be, who I want to be. Writing about how I don't know myself very well because I have spent most of my life doing what other people want to keep them happy. I have been really focusing on finding out what I like and who I am at the core of everything.
I preamble with this because I believe I have figured out what is making me recoil from my new job with such passion and heart ache. After many discussions with my loved ones, many discussions, I have figured out that I don't like the job but also, I don't like who I am when I am there. I am this fake, superficial, impersonation of me and I hate it. My whole body recoils from it like a disease.
It's like in 2 weeks I have completely reverted back to the person I was in High School, not expressing my feelings, not bringing up my opinions, just being that people pleaser that I have been trying so hard to forget. I guess old habits die hard.
New plan, find a new job, again.
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