Revelation

Last week I read a number of beautiful posts by my very close friends, and I was overwhelmed by their uplifting words, positive images and love. I have been working on a lot of things over the last year. Making my upbringing and my current world make sense together, battling my ever changing mood swings, starting a business. The list could go on forever and ever.

The point is I have taken so much strength from these new wonderful women in my life and slowly but surely I am able to calm myself down, make decisions on my own and stop myself from internalizing everything. I am not perfect, but I am getting better. Today I had a revelation and it may not seem like much to anyone else but its pretty good for me.

I was upset about not making Arbonne follow up calls on Sunday night, usually this would bring a night of dwelling and self loathing, complete with unceasing chatter. Somehow that didn't happen, I just thought, I didn't want to, so I didn't. Seems simple right? It has taken me so long to get to that.

Then today I was cranky because I didn't sleep, I thrashed in my sleep and actually got tangled in my sheets at one point. I felt like screaming when I had to get up and go to work. Normally I would be cranky all day and think about it until I basically made myself sick. Today that didn't happen, I noticed around 10:30 I didn't feel so cranky anymore. I thought maybe I'm just not a morning person, maybe its okay if I'm cranky in the morning. Maybe some mornings will be different. Just because something is, doesn't mean it will always be. The world is always changing.

Along with this new found ability to stop being cranky I decided I am going to be less frugal with my money. I will still save for my Christmas vacation but am going to treat myself more. I have the feeling I will like going to work more if I like what I'm wearing. Feeling frumpy can really put a damper on your day.

These things may seem so simple to all of you, seem just unnecessary to even think about but they used to rule my life. Now they only take over every so often. I am moving forward and I am so glad.

What is will not always be so, it may be scary but its true

I am so tired of writing about my mood swings

I've been not posting lately, not feeling the urge. Well actually feeling like posting but feeling like I'm just going to say the same things over and over so I choose not to post for fear of being redundant. I am on the brink of my business taking off (or it has the potential too) and I wish that it would so much. I want to be successful at this like yesterday and am not very good at being patient.

I had a hard week concerning my stomach, not only did it hurt a lot but I am at the point where I feel like all I do is complain about how much it hurts and I start feeling like people are rolling their eyes at me when I talk about it. I feel like the world either thinks I'm a faker, an exaggerator, a baby, a complainer or all of the above, I just feel like they are just as sick of it as I am. The thing is, I have to deal with it almost 24 hours a day so maybe its okay that I speak up every hour and say something about it. I shouldn't have to feel this way, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but it makes me mad! I have had to deal with this since I was 6 years old, I'm done now. I want a new set of intestines please.

I've also been very homesick this week, I miss my mom, dad and sister. Along with my home, friends and the ease of just being in a place where everyone knows my business and would stop and ask if I was okay if they saw me crying. I want to go home for a visit so badly and Friday I am finding out if I get vacation at Christmas. If I do that's awesome and I will be booking my trip down south (with the fam) and if I have to work I'm booking a flight home at thanksgiving and I will have a count down on.

This city gets to me the more I get homesick... or I get more homesick the more the city gets to me. Either way I am getting tired of the rushing, the traffic, smokers, the homeless people. Okay now I feel like a bad person.

I went to my business builder meeting and learned a lesson (I'm calling it that so I don't hate myself so much) you should always confirm meetings the day of the meeting. Otherwise you end up wasting your and your uplines time. Booo why can't I just find someone who loves Arbonne as much as me? Mike is such an incredible resource for me, he calms me down when I am angry. Gives me advice about sales calls, and I'm not that nice to him. That's why I love him, because he knows me, knows what I need even when I don't.

I have a great weekend a head of me, I have to start looking at the positive things in life, take a hint from C and love my life. If my mood swings didn't rule my life I think that would be a lot easier.