Revelation

Last week I read a number of beautiful posts by my very close friends, and I was overwhelmed by their uplifting words, positive images and love. I have been working on a lot of things over the last year. Making my upbringing and my current world make sense together, battling my ever changing mood swings, starting a business. The list could go on forever and ever.

The point is I have taken so much strength from these new wonderful women in my life and slowly but surely I am able to calm myself down, make decisions on my own and stop myself from internalizing everything. I am not perfect, but I am getting better. Today I had a revelation and it may not seem like much to anyone else but its pretty good for me.

I was upset about not making Arbonne follow up calls on Sunday night, usually this would bring a night of dwelling and self loathing, complete with unceasing chatter. Somehow that didn't happen, I just thought, I didn't want to, so I didn't. Seems simple right? It has taken me so long to get to that.

Then today I was cranky because I didn't sleep, I thrashed in my sleep and actually got tangled in my sheets at one point. I felt like screaming when I had to get up and go to work. Normally I would be cranky all day and think about it until I basically made myself sick. Today that didn't happen, I noticed around 10:30 I didn't feel so cranky anymore. I thought maybe I'm just not a morning person, maybe its okay if I'm cranky in the morning. Maybe some mornings will be different. Just because something is, doesn't mean it will always be. The world is always changing.

Along with this new found ability to stop being cranky I decided I am going to be less frugal with my money. I will still save for my Christmas vacation but am going to treat myself more. I have the feeling I will like going to work more if I like what I'm wearing. Feeling frumpy can really put a damper on your day.

These things may seem so simple to all of you, seem just unnecessary to even think about but they used to rule my life. Now they only take over every so often. I am moving forward and I am so glad.

What is will not always be so, it may be scary but its true