There's no place like home

I just returned from a 12 day visit to my home town; and though seeing my family is always amazing being back in that town makes me feel like somethings crawling around in my skin. I made so much progress going to see my counsellor over the last year but when I return to my hometown it's like all of the work I have done flies out the window. The pressure to be that person I used to be is so strong when I'm in NS, and going home without my finance makes it so I have nothing to ground myself. I forget that this isn't my life, that it is only for a vacation.

I immediately felt better when I walked off the plane, and hanging out with my friends the next day made my heart swell. I know for certain that this is my home now; it's where my heart wants to be.

When I was at home I felt such a strong urge to get into shape, everyday it would fill my mind about different exercises to do and plans to eat healthy. I didn't do anything about it while I was home though, I have always been "skinny" and the people in my family always put down my idea that I need to loose weight. Not that they discourage exercise but it just doesn't fit into the image I grew up with so dealing with their surprise if I were to work out is enough to discourage me. (Can you see why I hate this place?) Now I know a lot of these issues I have are in my head but it's hard to want to exercise and eat right when you are the smallest person in the room/ everyone is telling you that you don't have to loose weight in a "your stupid if you do voice."

So when I got home yesterday I was very excited to start my journey to fitness. This is my over all goal, to be fit, to be strong, to look great. I have this over all goal but I need specific goals to keep myself on track. I would like to loose 20 pounds and go back to having my clothes fit, hopefully between a size 2 and 4. I am going to start a clothes fund in my savings account for when I reach my goal and for each day of exercise I will put $10 in. By the time I get to my goal I will be able to go on a shopping spree!

I have taken my measurements, written them down along with my weight, I'm hoping by the time I go to the wedding I have in August I will hear "Have you lost weight?" from my friends and family.

Crying; it's just what girls do

Good News! I have a new job, I am working at a new restaurant and not so good news, my first day actually serving led to me crying. It is not as bad as it seems, the shift was 9 hours long and I didn't eat during it, hunger makes me very cranky and my feet were super sore so I had a little cry when I got home. It's what girls do. So far I am impressed with the owner but think that when she isn't there things work a little different so that will be something I need to get used to. It is a very different environment than what I have experienced before; firstly I am not allowed to hang out at the place I work. I usually eat my supper and have a drink after shift but this isn't possible at my new employer. If my friends come in I can't serve them, the restaurant is very professional, a little uptight but I think it will be good in the long run.

During my training we did some food sampling, which led to the end of my Vegan experiment. It was a great try but I am not able to do it properly because I'm too lazy. I really missed eggs and cheese, the meat wasn't as missed.

Tomorrow is my second shift and I hope I can keep my cool a little better this time, I'm trying to figure out if I should bring food or just demand a break. It's a fine line with a new job, getting what you want and not complaining because you are new. Lots of little rules that take forever to figure out and each employer is different.