I have been away for a long time, I have said this before, though this time I am much more confident in my decision. I read my previous post and I sounded so scared, it's not that I'm not scared (I know I have work to do) it's just I feel when things get bad I'm prepared now. I have the tools to cope, I have the tools to make my life the way I want it to be.
The funny part of this post is I've been watching glee all day, and I've been on vacation for the last 2 weeks so it makes sense that I am happy with my life. It makes sense that without any stress I can be happy, I think anyone could be.
I got married 2 weeks ago, and somehow; even though it was an old school ceremony and we were technically married in December and I thought it wasn't going to change anything; I actually think it did. Somehow I feel loved, appreciated, sexy, comfortable and like things are perfect (even though I know they aren't.) I take immense joy in calling M my husband, I love the sound of it on my tongue, I love the way it makes me feel. I have always been an old fashioned girl, I love fantasy books filled with knights in shining armor, ladies in waiting and being swept off my feet. I have been swept so thoroughly off my feet that haven't realized my dreams have come true.
I love this man who is my husband, I love him for caring about me and for making me the woman I am. I love him for fathering the children that I will have, but haven't yet, I love him for always wanting to make our lives better, for always being okay if I'm not perfect. I love him for making me know that this life is the one I'm supposed to be living, and I love him because I know he's going to love me for the rest of my life.
I am happy, and a little voice in my head is a little scared but at this moment I am happy.
