Wishes

Since I finished high school I have distanced myself from the people I once knew. I was made fun of in high school not only because young girls are mean but because I had no voice back then. After I left high school I spent a couple of summers making my way closer to my new university friends and farther away from those who I knew as a girl. I had always thought this a good decision, because of my hardships through school I thought that I was better off without those mean girls who made me feel so bad about myself. Even at one point in university I tried to reconnect, thinking they may have grown up from the people they used to be. Either they hadn't changed or I couldn't let go of the hurt they once gave to me but either way I couldn't be the person I used to be. I left that life a long time ago and have had little regrets since.

Now it has been 7 years since high school and as much as I thought I made the choice one of my past best friends is getting married tomorrow. I saw a picture on facebook of all of my old friends, together and so happy. Tomorrow is her wedding day and she was a good friend, I won't be there and I am sad over it. I am sad that things said in adolescence, things said by insecure young girls hurt me so much I couldn't put it behind me. Sad that I couldn't be the bigger person, couldn't forgive or forget any of the horrible things done to me in ignorance.

If I could I would tell this wonderful woman that I believe she deserves all the happiness in the world, and that I remember a time when she didn't have it. I remember when she was this amazing person that no one else could see and I am so happy she found love, found a person who lets her be the real her even if I don't know who that is anymore.

I feel the people you grow up with are the people who shape you into the person you want to be, or at the very least show you who you want to be.

Most of all I wish I could let it go, I wish I could change the way I feel, the way I was, the way things worked out. I wish I could see her tomorrow, because I know she will look stunning, wish I could be there. I wish the things that KJ did to me didn't make me hate them all so much. I wish I could have been stronger sooner.

I have found my prince, the person who makes me feel like everything is better even if it isn't and I so wish and hope that this is what she has with her new husband. No matter that we don't talk anymore, no matter that I probably never cross her mind; she helped create the person I am today. I so hope she is happy, from the bottom of my heart she deserves all the love and happiness in the world.