It was my first time snowboarding this weekend, I had a lot of confidence going in (because I picked up skiing quite easily) and was pretty sure that it would be a breeze. I was VERY WRONG. Something about having to move your legs independently from each other even though they are strapped together to one board is not something I was able to wrap my head around. Also the first time I fell, and I use the term "fell" loosely since what I actually did was smash my butt into the ground at a high speed, I was convinced I had broken my tail bone and almost cried. I did not cry though, I kept going and spent the rest of the lesson attempting to avoid that pain again.
The snowboarding lesson we took was an hour and a half and I was not impressed by it at all. Maybe I was just too much of a beginner to make any progress but I felt like I didn't learn anything at all. I felt the instructor was telling us basics, asking us to do them and then moving on to the next step without making sure we mastered the first. I left the lesson not evening sure of how to turn. After the lesson when we moved to the actual hill I felt very scared to even go down the hill (I feared for my already throbbing tailbone) we did one run and another half run where I actually ended up crawling off the hill and walking the rest of the way down. Writing about it now (3 days later) actually makes me feel like sort of a baby, but since I still have to sit down gingerly I am not exaggerating the pain. I'm thinking some more lessons are in the cards for sure. I am tempted to go back to skiing, it is much easier and less painful by far, and I really have no competitive sprit that makes me want to conquer snow boarding, but there is a little voice in my head telling me not to quit. The question is, is the voice me or my parents?
The weekend brought up some hard but expected shoulds, things that I felt I had to do or should be doing. I fell back into the pattern of thinking about what other people wanted to do instead of thinking about myself. I had such a good weekend spending time with long lost family but it was just a little bit of an internal struggle at times. This is why I find it such a struggle, I had an amazing weekend, though paid more attention to my families needs as opposed to my own, why do I do it? They don't ask it of me so why do I feel I should? The worst part is right now I don't feel like it is a big deal but if I continue to put others needs ahead of mine I eventually have a meltdown and need like 3 days to myself to re-coop. I find it hard to stay in the mind set of putting myself first, that is what I have been trying to do. I call it selfishness but my counsellor says its not.... I'm not sure that I believe her. I think that in itself shows I have a long road ahead of me in this search.
One completely amazing outcome of the weekend was the idea for a new hobby, we took a drive to look at the amazing mountain scenery and I thought wouldn't it be amazing to hike through this beautiful landscape in the warm sun? This is the first time I have ever thought of Hiking as something fun and not something forced, and in the same thought camping came to mind. So I went to MEC today looking at all of the new and exciting camping equipment, along with looking at the hiking gear, scouting it out for when it is not winter and when I can spend my weekends in the beautiful mountains. Sometimes I cannot fathom how I lived the first 22 years of my life not really knowing about the mountains. Knowing they exist but not how amazingly stunning they really are.
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