Should

Should has been a large part of my life, I should curl, I should get good grades, I should go to university, I should tell the truth, I should try and please people, I should be polite, I should entertain, I should be a wife, I should be a mother, should should should. The more you say it the more it becomes meaningless. (Yes that is true with all words but you get the point). I think the part that bothers me more than the shoulds that my parents, society; and if I'm being honest my own self, forced on me my whole life have been such a large part of my life is the fact that I didn't question them. Not until I was 21 years old and living away from home in the small town of Antigonish did I start to wonder why I should.

Even when I started to question the shoulds, I didn't do anything about it, I actually ran from that little voice in my head  that was questioning everything I had every been brought up to believe. I was brought up not to question, my mind was convinced that my parents did the best job anyone could have asked for in raising me. I was scared, much to scared to question. I'm not saying I was or am a lonely sad person, I shoved down all doubts and put on a brave face for the people in my life, I was brought up to avoid conflict and avoiding conflict with myself is what I am best at.

All of the Shoulds in my life brought me to avoid conflict, do what I was told at all times, which lead to me, not knowing me. I'm only just starting to figure me out.