Anxiety

As a person who has always tired to please others and always tried to avoid conflict I have experienced a lot of anxiety in my life. I think I have become so use to the anxiety that to not feel anxious makes me... well... anxious.

I think that the world that I was raised in, with TV shows like Grey's Anatomy, ER and even Friends has fostered a sense of "things should always be happening to you". Even with the break out of reality TV shows; Big Brother, The Hills, and (the low point in modern TV) Jersey Shore, our society has been shown that people are always doing something. This usually turns into yelling at each other about nothing. Now why would I want to spend my life yelling at people about nothing? Well because when you are going through something in your life you feel important, trying to survive something makes it seem like life is worth living. When did surviving life become more important than being happy? If I think about the things that make me feel happy in my life are simple things; reading a good book, spending time with my boyfriend and friends, eating at a nice new restaurant, a good glass of wine. Simple, kind, pleasant things. Now this is me being rational, thinking about my life with a clear head being able to say yes I like my life in its simplicity.

Throw rationality out the door and enter the things that throw life off balance; hormones, emotions and the unavoidable pressure of "normal". It's harder to love your life and be content with everything when you have life to deal with.

I love being a woman, I would hate to be a man (having to deal with a penis seems so strange to me) but sometimes I just feel like I am going to explode with all of the emotions I feel at one time. Emotions make it hard for me to function sometimes, like last night I was driving and truthfully I find it very hard to see in the dark so driving in the dark always makes me anxious. Secondly I was driving to a place that I don't know and relying on someone else for directions. All of these things build up inside of me by the end of the drive I was almost in tears. I literally had to take a time out when I got home (like actually laid alone on my couch for a couple of minutes taking deep breaths to calm myself down)

Saying it out like that, explaining my anxiety, always makes me feel like a crazy person, makes me feel like someone will tell me that I'm not normal. It comes back to the question of what is normal? Does everyone feel this way?