I woke up today feeling very down, feeling like I should just stay in bed. I did for a while, I watched a movie in my bed but eventually I became uncomfortable and got up. I tried to read outside but I found it too cold, then I tried to read inside but my book wasn't interesting. I laid on the couch for a while staring at the ceiling not really thinking about anything. I ate a crappy breakfast which will inevitably make my stomach hurt later today. I am just feeling very down.

I hate these days, more because I had such a good day yesterday and sort of thought I had figured some stuff out. I always do that, I proclaim that I am feeling good, that I am feeling on track and then I wake up and feel like this. Feel like my brain has just given me a taste of what I could be like so I can be even more sad when it is taken away.

I tried to not put a lot of importance on it. I am just in a bad mood, not a big deal. But I don't want to be in this bad mood, I have things to do and for once I feel like doing them. I have the motivation but the actual action does not seem to want to show itself.

I am going home in a couple of days, and truthfully I'm getting scared. I don't know how to be around my family anymore because I feel like I have changed so much from the person that I was. I just feel like I need to isolate myself from the world. I know my family will love me no matter what I'm just not sure what to do. I am feeling lost in this.

I want to write more, to get everything out of my head and out of my life. I want the feeling that it is all out there and I don't have to deal with it anymore, however I feel like I have said it all before. I feel like I am just repeating myself in different words. I know I worry too much, I know I should just do what I want but I just don't have the strength some days. It's like trying to diet and never being able to loose the weight. Like I finally lost a pound only to find out next week I gained it back.