Scared of what?

I haven't been blogging lately, I couldn't really figure out why at first, I guess I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts. When I was talking about the subject with my beautiful bestie I mentioned that I felt scared, that what I was thinking wasn't able to be read by the public. Then my wonderfully insightful friend brought up the fact that no one I know really reads my blog and why should I be worried? It made me stop and think; what am I scared of? Why do I worry about what the world thinks? As I pondered this thought I came to realize its myself I'm worried about. If I write down the thoughts in my head then it makes them real, makes them have more substance somehow.

Truthfully I'm scared, I get scared when I feel sad that I will always feel that way, I get scared when I am happy. Scared that the crash will be so huge this time that I won't recover. Scared of failure, of unhappiness, of doubt.

I have finally found something that makes me happy, makes me feel like I am making a difference and most importantly something that will make me money. All of this rolled into one feels too good to be true and I feel like I am holding my breath until reality checks in. I am building a team and I have one rock star already I just need 3 more. I feel I can make it to the top in this business and I want it so badly.

I have to acknowledge that I am the only person who can hold me back. I need to stop the negative thoughts in my head. I need to have the fire I had on the last day of October. I need to be positive.