Today I read the post of my best friend and it really got me thinking, she spoke of how she can change moods instantly and the extremes give her whiplash. I immediately connected with this thought since my own moods can cause permanent physical damage when they choose to swing. Today for instance I went from intense worry, to deep sadness, to ecstasy, then finally melancholy. Why do these feelings torture me so much, why can't I just be happy, the extremes are too much to deal with. I want consistency.
One of my biggest flaws is my impatience, I don't like to wait and I can most of the time I voice this dislike quite loudly. My mother once told me not to wish my days away because one day they will be gone and I will want them back. I can't help it though I want more money, I want to be able to get the things I crave in life, I don't want to stand still anymore. I want to prove to the world that Arbonne is not a "thing" that I am a smart person and I chose correctly. That just because I don't work in an office doesn't mean I'm not successful. I am 6883 QV away from my goal, I have 1 business meeting, 1 personal party, 10 team parties and a small trade show. All of these things seem to add up to an Area but I am scared it won't. I am scared that I will get so close and it will be taken away from me. I am scared I will have to keep struggling, fighting for my place in this world. I am scared I will keep standing still, never moving forward, always stuck in my perpetual cycle of highs and lows.
I am especially scared that if I make this goal and I get what I think I want that I will still be stuck in this cycle. What if I spend my life looking for what I want only to find out that what I wanted was here all along. Why can't I just be happy with my good life, why are humans always dissatisfied with everything. Why do we want until we can't want anymore?
It's normal to always want more. As a society, we are never satisfied with what we have, as sad as that is. As long as you are cognizant that life is wonderful and we really are lucky for the multitude of things, I think it's okay. I'm here for you, and I love you.
ReplyDelete