Stress

I have been having a bad week, I spent the weekend doing things I didn't really want to do and ended up really tired for Monday morning. This put me in a bad mood for Monday and my week has just sort of spiraled from there.

I'm at a stand still with Arbonne, having no more parties to put on and unsure of how to go about getting more. I am not only scared to hear no, but scared of the potential loss hearing no comes with. I am not confident yet in the fact that I will be able to find more clients, which doesn't make sense because the product I sell is good and will sell itself. I'm just full of self doubt, it comes with the over tiredness.

Along with my Arbonne fears I am having conflicting feelings about my day job. I thought it was going to be something I could just go and do and get paid for. This is proving to be more difficult than first imagined, I don't have any drive to do a good job because I see no real value in the job itself. This makes it hard to do a good job. No one watches what I do, no one gets mad at me when I don't do it right, I can mess up and it seems like no one cares. So this is the first side of the coin, not caring and doing a mediocre job.

But it turns out that I hate this, I hate not getting fulfillment out of my job, I hate that it means nothing to me. I have been thinking about Lasik so much lately and how much fun I had going there everyday, how much it meant to me to see how I changed peoples lives. I miss that, I miss knowing I helped someone with something that means everything to them.

I want to excel in my life, I want to prove myself and make a comfortable living. I'm not sure why I'm thinking so much this week or why everything seems to make me sink into the depths of my brain and heart. I feel myself sinking and I'm grasping to figure out why I feel the way I do.

I am very grateful that tomorrow is Friday, I'm hoping to relax all weekend and start fresh on Monday. I want to stop feeling this way, i want to be happy and excited again, I hate feeling sad for no reason and creating problems in my head.

Not a good week