New

So many emotions piling up inside; doubt, excitement, anxiousness, apprehension, and pride, going back and forth with how I feel and trying to still my beating heart. All of these feelings come with anything new that people experience and when something that may or may not change your every day life comes around the newness of it is heart stopping.

I like the feeling of standing up for myself and letting the world know that I value myself and my work. I like standing up and taking what is mine. This in itself is a new experience for me, I used to sit back and receive whatever was offered to me as to not rock the boat. Now that is gone, now I can stand and say I matter and I have worth.

How did I get here? I wouldn't say I am completely here yet and it is a daily struggle, a daily battle with my instincts which tell me to sit down, stop talking, and keep the peace. I am able to continue this battle with the help of my amazing support system, my family, my partner and my friends. Also helping me through is my counselor, yes I have professional help in this battle for balance or harmony within myself.  I think that people try to do it on their own too much and accepting help is the best thing a person can do for themselves.

Standing up for yourself is hard, looking at the people in your life and saying I'm not satisfied I'm not happy is hard for me. Only when I was breaking down on a daily basis did I stop and think maybe I need a change. So I went after it and am still going after it, everyday seeing what I want and what I need to keep me happy and content in my life.

So newness is what you get when you make these changes and strive towards better, and accepting the new is hard in itself. It was a wise person who said the simple statement of "Life is Hard"