Truth

So I have been expressing my life and myself for a while now, and as you can read I struggle on the best of days with life, love, stress, work and everything else. Now I would like to let you in on the secret I try to keep away from the public, the truth that I hide from almost everyone in my life. The truth of the matter is that I am sick, and not in a I will die soon way but in a daily pain and suffering way.

Anyone who knows me will be saying, but you complain about your stomach hurting all the time, which is true. The truth of the matter is that I complain for 10% of what I am actually going through. It is normal for me to wake up in the night with searing pain in my stomach like someone has tried to cut me from the inside. It is normal for me to be so encompassed with pain that I loose track of the conversation I am having, most of the time I have to leave the room because all I can do is double over in pain and hope for it to pass. It is normal for me to shy away from social situations for fear of having an attack and having to go home early because my stomach hurts. I spend my days with bile in the back of my throat praying I won't puke the next time I burp. This is my truth, this is the way I live.

Now those who don't know me are probably thinking, why don't you go to the doctor? Isn't there something, some medication to help fix this?

I have been seeing stomach specialists since I was 6 years old, they have told me I have chronic inflammation in my stomach, though they have yet to find a medication that works for more than 3 months. They can't fix me because I don't have crohn's, an ulcer or the many other things they have tested me for so I suffer, sometimes silently sometimes not, but this is my truth, this is my life.

I am going to a new specialist next week, and like all the rest before her I am hopeful. This is a big city and a new doctor and I have hope.