My first real Arbonne party is on Sunday, it is for one of my very best friends and as much as I am looking forward to it I am also scared. Not scared to talk about the product in front of people, not really scared of people not buying anything but I guess its just an overall nervousness of the unknown. I have never done this before, what if I forget something, what if I miss calculate an order, what do I do if someone asks me a question I don't know the answer too? I am also very concerned about people having a good time, it's supposed to be fun and I want it to be. I don't really want to voice these concerns out loud because I don't want reassurance from my support group, I just want to voice my fears so they are out of my head and not bothering me anymore.
I spent the night organizing my things, both work and home related. It makes me feel better to have my mind working on something else for a little while. I have made a very makeshift office in one corner of my apartment, trying to keep everything together and easily accessible. Being prepared makes things easier for me, and at times like these I think that I may have a touch of an anxiety disorder, maybe a little OCD. It doesn't really bother me though, things just seem to make more sense when they have a correct spot.
Now that my head is clearer, just saying (or in this case typing) what is going on in my head makes my anxiety so much easier to manage. It makes me able to breathe in a sense, instead of the build up of pressure that so often comes with something new for me.
Side note to happier things; I'm starting a new book tonight. I'm usually a hardcore fantasy reader (think Lord of the Rings, Wheel of Time that sort of thing) but I have been very frustrated lately because of all the series that I start don't have an ending. It is incredibly annoying to have 2 sets of books started and no conclusion because it hasn't been written yet. So after the last series that didn't end I wanted to branch out into another type of book. I just finished a murder mystery/love story type book and it was entertaining but I didn't really ever have the "can't put it down" feeling. I never got lost in the world because it was too much like my own. That's what I love about books, they take you to a place that shouldn't exist but it does and it shows you humanity will always be the same no matter what the context. It shows that no matter where a person is, who they are, or even if the world they live in is unfathomable, people are all the same. People worry and fear and love and laugh, they work and play and help bring other people into this world. No matter what world it is, people are always the same. I say this as a good thing, I like being able to relate to a character in a book. Everyone does, because everyone (well fantasy readers) want to believe that if they had to they could be a princess, or have magical powers, or save the world from evil. So I had a short vacation away from my fantasy books but I couldn't stay away any longer. It has been a while since I lost myself in a book. I am very much looking forward to it.
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